This rambling won’t make sense…
I feel stuck.
Stuck between what I want to be and where I am.
Stuck between what I think I should be doing and what I thought I would have done by now.
The monotony of waking up everyday without a plan, without knowing what is going to happen ten minutes from the next but still having so much to do; how can one person constantly push themselves to figure shit out.
Even when I do know what my day might consist of, there is this persistent dragging of the rest of the day until that time arrives when my the reason for this day has come. There are so many things I should be doing, but I can’t do them. And the things I am doing are not things I wish to be doing at all.
Its like at work today: I got so caught up in menial tasks that significantly slowed me down to the point where I couldn’t catch up with the rest of the obstacles thrown in my way. I running around with my head cut off and couldn’t figure how to stop the cycle from spinning. Then, the one thing I try to do to make it all right, I fuck up. I fuck up, and I make everything worse and have to run from it.
This is me in my present situation; this is me in my life right now. Stuck in a cycle of everyday tasks which I cannot break free from to start a different cycle that I think I want to be part of.